This evening it all of a sudden clicked in me that everything going on in my life will one day fall back in to the right place. Everything happens for a reason, right?
Thinking about my two ex-boyfriends, and how I thought I could never love someone that much again, then meeting Nick. How he’s made my past relationship’s feel like nothing from the amount I care for him. How he met me at the worst stage in my life and still tried to be with me, even though someone before him couldn’t handle the situation I was in, in my life. He didn’t even batter and eye lid. He got me out of a dark place I was in, not caring for myself, I dread to think how I would be if he wasn’t here now.
The thing is, as much as I hate to admit it, it might not be that we will end up being together for the rest of our lives, as much as both of us have said it, live together and have planned a future together. It just might not be the way our life plans out. I would never let anything come between us, but some times it happens. It’s weird to think that when I look at other guys I literally feel nothing, I compare them to him. I’ve never been like that before. I know i’m only young, I turn 19 in November and he has recently turned 27. So there’s a big age gap between us, but when we’re together, the age difference doesn’t even come into my mind. He worried about the fact that because I’m young, he thinks i’m going to want to go off and sleep around, I had a month of doing that and in all honesty, I hated it. It didn’t get me anywhere, only left me feeling shit and people getting hurt. I’ve always been a relationship type of girl with my first love being of three years and then straight into a messy 2 year relationship.
I thought I was in love with my first ever boyfriend, Luke, who I spent 3 years with. Realising now it was because both our mum’s got diagnosed with cancer at the same time and we supported each other. Doesn’t mean that I didn’t love him, I just think it was because we were so used to being around each other. I only fully got over him earlier on this year.
My second relationship of two years was with someone called Declan. Our relationship was on and off for two years. We broke up early January. Without even looking for anyone, having some time by myself, Nick walked into my life in April. Things are still a bit tender between Declan and I, even though both of us have moved on and are happier without each other. We got caught in a trap where we were scared to be without each other, so kept running back. But it’s for the best now and I see that. We both lead two, very different lives and had different opinions on things.
It’s funny how things change. Loosing boyfriends and friends. How you can have so many memories with one person, but when you see them in months/years time, you hardly know them. You don’t even talk to them. It’s sad. I do sometimes wonder if this will happen between Nick and I. I really hope it doesn’t, but i’ve come to terms with just letting what’s going to happen, happen. I blocked it out for so long to the extent it would put me on edge constantly. I could feel like this about guys over and over again in my life, like i said, i’m still only young.
give me a follow! :)